Wednesday, April 18, 2012

A little ageism here, a little sexism there

My original title ideas included, "I am a little boy" and "I identify with little boys" these turned out to be a little too pedophiley. File this under things you didn't need to know. Also I don't know if Ageism or Sexism are words or if I'm using them correctly. That's why I like this title, if it turns out I used them correctly I may need to change it.

I have been in two weird places lately.

One is with my age. Did you hear that I turned 30?

It's true.

When this happened my body got the message mixed up and went straight to geriatric. I seriously feel like overnight I can only wear elastic waist pants to be comfortable, certain foods don't sit right and I feel the need to share that with you, my skin lost all elasticity and has turn ashen and may start falling off, I need to be in bed by nine or I will be on the front lawn yelling at the neighbor kids in the morning, i get pops and creaks and weird noises when I bend, I need to sleep just right or I cant move my neck for two days, I get headaches all the time and yes, I have considered floral furniture and I only wear flats, preferably orthopedic.

But on the other hand, I do not identify with the elderly, except when we can sit around and compare our cricks and aches and smells, I identify with 5-7 yr old boys.'s not creepy. I have 5 -7 year old sons after all.

Somehow instead of me teaching them to be kind and wise and thoughtful and good bakers, they have been schooling me. When someone my own age wants to have a conversation I stare blankface or try to figure out how I would attack the problem if it was a Pokemon game. But amongst the younguns I swear I am a God. I know the name of more than a dozen Pokemon, pretty much every Star Wars character, at least 50 superheroes, plus their power, plus if they are DC or Marvel, all the Ben10 characters and powers, the rules to Pomaikai 4 square, cool basketball dribbling tricks, how to mock ninja fight and I am an avid beyblade battler. My current reading list has included Encyclopedia Brown, Peter and the Starcatcher, the Borrowers, Sideways stories from Wayside School, Shel Silverstein and Goosebumps.

That's right, I have gone to the dark side, there were no cookies.

I have been pondering this for some time now. I know I'm okay with the getting old thing, I was so awesomely youthful that I was bound to crash hard. I've come to terms and I wear sunscreen daily and have purchased hats that I will attempt to wear.

But this whole boy thing has me mystified. I am a little proud that I take interest in my sons activities and that they think I am cool. But I am a little sad that I think I might actually genuinely like Star Wars now and I'm counting the days til The Avengers comes out. It's nice that I can play a game with my sons but why did I have to learn all the bajillion rules of Pokemon? You better not invite me to your party, your bound to get a ninja headband and some Dagedar balls, because that's what comes to mind for appropriate presents these days.

It's settled, I'm watching ABC family teen dramas all weekend to make me young again and my boys are learning the art of flower arranging. That is sure to bring balance back to my world.

Or I could play scrabble at the community center and make mud pies in my back yard.

We'll just have to see.

Sunday, April 15, 2012

We bought Chewbacca

That's what my oldest announced excitedly to my sister when we met her at the movie theatre tonite.

Knowing what a sucker for a good deal I am her reply was, "Oh, was he on sale?"

My son didn't know how to reply to this so he just started doing one of those ants in your pants dances and shouted, "look! There's a picture on mommy's phone!!!!"

I handed my phone over and my sister gave me the questioning look that most certainly said, "Why are you taking pictures of star wars toys?"

Her look quickly turned from I could barf its so cute..........and finally the piercing eyes that demanded answers.

This is the picture that she saw:

This is what I explained:

We went to Lowes today to buy shelving and then walked over to check out the new Sports Authority. In between we saw some animal rescue group setting up dog kennels in front of PetCo. As we passed a second time there were dogs in the kennels. My youngest immediately became enamoured with the little guy pictured above. So we asked the lady for his info and found out that he is 6 weeks old and was found in a ditch on the side if the road when he was 22 days old. He had been living in a foster home and this was the first week that he was adoptable.

He was a cute puppy but we had to go pick up the twins from Aikido practice so we said goodbye. My husband, myself and my youngest then spent the 10 minute care trip to Aikido talking about how maybe that dog would be perfect for us. We decided to take the twins to meet him. Plus I had to go back because I had an Old Navy coupon to use, you know how it is.

We took the twins back and they loved the puppy and another dog. We stood and talked about it. We snuggled dogs. We found out about this great new organization H.A.R.F. that was started a year ago and saved dogs that were on death row at the humane society, or you know , that they found in ditches. The next thing you know I was filling out an application.

The application said they had to do a home visit etc... and the puppy was so young and still needed shots etc... that we figured we'd have a few weeks to finish fencing our yard and decide if this was something we should really do. Then the lady said, "so you want to take him today?" and I found myself saying, "sure."

And that's how we ended up getting a dog today. A mutt that will probably be huge very soon. But right now he is very fluffy and adorable. We bought out the puppy supplies at PetCo and took him shopping with us at Old Navy (I still had to use my coupon!) and Walmart and then it was home to puppy proof. Our 3 sons are over the moon excited, right now they are all 3 asleep with the puppy in my youngests bedroom.

You may recall that I had a puppy before and that we got our dog Princess Leia from the Humane Society about a year and a half ago. You may also recall that I threatened to give her back multiple times. Partly through some help i received through this blog we didn't return her and our household wouldn't be the same without her. She is finally outgrowing her puppy stage and we adore her, when she isn't barking and jumping on people. More importantly I think I finally have my husband and boys trained so that they can all handle a dog. My husband dislikes Princess Leia and our outside cat Alleycat, my sons like to say he only likes fish. He is adamant that he just likes bigger dogs and I have to say, 12 hours in, he seems to like this dog more than any of our other pets, I'll keep you posted on updates of his puppy love.

Interesting day huh? Oh, and here's the best part, in case you didn't figure it out already. We named the little hairy beast Chewbacca, we really are THAT crazy Star Wars family that you shake your head at.

To tide you over til my next post, here's some more photos of the cuteness happening up in this hizzouse.

p.s. Yes I do realize that a puppy is a crazy lot of work and that I have been complaining about feeling overloaded a lot lately but never fear, I have a plan! Also, I finally have all the carpet out of my house so really, how bad can it get?

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Morning Routines

Jump out of bed to turn off my cell phone alarm at 5am.

Crawl back into bed and go back to sleep.

Dream about listening to the radio and slowly realize its my 6am cell phone alarm.

Wake up.

Curse that I have to be awake and pretend that its okay to lay with my eyes closed (not to be confused with sleeping) for 10 more minutes.

Open my eyes to discover its been 20 minutes, jump out of bed and rush past an open window in inappropriate  pajamas (starting your day by flashing the neighbors is not as exciting as it seems).

Fling open my boys 3 bedroom doors. The youngest responds with "I was already awake" to which I always respond "start getting dressed please" while muttering under my breath, "if you're awake then why in the h*** don't you get your rear in gear and put some clothes on." The middle child sits straight up in bed and whines as he stretches and takes off his pink satin sleep mask and slides out of his black satin sheets. The kids has a thing for satin. The oldest wakes up screaming and fighting imaginary foes from under his covers and needs at least 10 feet clearance to avoid entering his warpath. You will get hurt.

Once they are up it's time to loudly announce to absolutely no one (because listening is "too hard" and "he is distracting me") that I accidentally got us up late and we need to move a little faster this morning. Somehow they haven't caught on to the fact that I say this every morning. Should I be concerned or count my blessings?

I spend exactly 5 minutes throwing on clothes, throwing off those clothes because they don't fit, making a huge mess as I search for something else that matches or is less than 50% wrinkled. Then its time to slap on deodorant, a scrunchy and a smile and go back to making the rounds of

 "Get dressed."

"Why have you been on the toilet for 20 minutes?"

"You cannot wear those shoes without socks, your feet smell like farts."

"DO NOT even think of leaving the house in that!"

"Do you have your homework?"

"Feed the dog."

"Did anybody feed the dog?"

"I still see your homework on the table!"

"If you don't feed the dog then I wont feed you!"

Seriously?! We're not wearing pants to school now?"

"You cannot go to school without shoes."

"Zip your backpack! Everything is going to fa.....SEE!! Everything just fell out!"

"Did you take your medicine?"

"Fine, don't take your medicine but don't talk to me when you can't breathe."

"Thank you for taking your medicine."



"Wait, are those underwear from yesterday?"

Then we put the dog in the yard, the kids scramble in the car and we're off. We reach the corner, if our neighbor kids are still waiting for the bus then we all know we're on time. Depending on how much stress our morning has endured we spend our 9 minute commute going over our schedule and what we're excited about for the day or the boys sitting silently in fear while I rampage about they have made me late again and that someday I'll get fired for their actions.

We arrive and pour out of the car loudly. We rush in 6 different directions (which is awkward because there are only 4 of us) and our day begins. They go and feed on cafeteria delicacies and I slip into my fancy neon orange safety vest and clip on my 80's style walkie talkie and then the fun really begins.

I'm not proud, but yes these things do sometimes happen.

P.S. From start to finish this is 6am to 7am. Want to hear about other hours of my days? I'll make a deal with you, give me some comment love, as in more than 5 comments from different people, and I'll post another hour. If you don't comment I'll know I've been judged and should seek professional help.

P.P.S. As I re-read this post I see a few areas where I could make improvements :) Self reflection is a powerful tool. Get your laughs in now, because I'm going to turn my morning routine into a well oiled machine and you will all be pulling out your steno pads to take notes.

Or maybe I will seek professional help.

Thursday, April 12, 2012


I think of so many great blog posts during the day and then by the time I sit down at night to write its like somebody used that flashing mind eraser tool from Men in Black on me, only I never come out of the daze to find myself staring at Will Smith. Life is cruel like that.

So in the past few days I intended to write about: epic temper tantrums, whiny cry babies, communication errors, the blame game, weight loss goals, and the great closet caper of 2012 but I cant remember enough to write more than the titles.

Oh well.

The thing I do remember about this week is how overloaded, overwhelmed, overweight and over everything that I felt. That is until two things happened.

1. I called my mom...and we talked for 2 hours. If you know my current mom situation you know this huge. Regardless of how "in the know" you are, let me reassure you that this is HUGE! She listened while I whined about public school vs home school, working vs stay at home mom, finding our calling in life and at least a million other things. I listened while she talked about finances, life changes, health insurance stresses and the other things that are currently a pain in her life. We commiserated, we problem solved, we cajoled and I think we both felt better and like we had some new hope. It was refreshing.

2. I ran a training session. I get paid for 17 hours a week and was finding myself there at least 30 hours plus I was working on projects at home. Much of this is due to my own poor time management, need to do a job myself and desire to volunteer my time to make my workplace the best that it can be. So no feeling sorry for me no matter how pitiful I sound, I choose this for myself. Anyhoo.... i finished a major project and it was a huge weight off of my shoulders. Then I realized how much I had ignored while working on the big project and spiralled into a pit of self loathing that only quitting could resolve. At least that's what I thought until i went to a district meeting with all the other people that have the same job as me. I did a training session and as we commiserated about the various stresses of our position I was reminded of why I do the job I do and how good I actually have it. I left feeling refreshed and much less loathsome. Also I felt really smart that I knew something they didnt and I got to teach it to them. I was like a puffed up peacock all day, preening over my mad computer skillz y'all!

Oh yeah, and I got my new master closet installed this week. I have been living out of clothes piles on my couch downstairs for the last month and a half so this event was beyond refreshing, it left me feeling freakin euphoric! Woohoo!!!

It's been a pretty good week is all I'm saying.

I've linked this post up to 52 weeks of grateful, check out what other bloggers are grateful for at

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Hair removal and weird behavior

This title describes my Good Friday.

I woke up Friday morning and heard my sons playing in their room. They have morning chores that they have to do before life can happen each day and I just knew they hadn't done them. To avoid starting my day angry I attempted laying in my bed and ignoring the problem, silently praying that they would just do their chores.

My prayers weren't answered but my husband did wake up concerned and went to warn them of the impending doom that would descend upon them as soon as I finally got out of bed.

Two minutes later there was screaming and so I was up and handling the first battle of the day. God must have been listening because I was able to end the battle and begin the chores all with a moderate tone of voice. Will wonders never cease?!

Unfortunately my youngest decided that life was too hard and refused to do what he was told so we ended up having to skip a fun beach day with friends. When I announced this to my oldest son he went from loving me to devastated and hells fire angry in 1.5 seconds flat. It was a sight to behold.

We regrouped and voted that we would stay home and improve attitudes until after lunch. If we could manage then we would go to lahaina, our favorite staycation destination.

With that drama managed my sons all went downstairs to play video games and I found myself with time to myself.

As the name of my blog might indicate, I'm trying to take advantage of that so I decided to tackle the task of hair removal. I apologize in advance, but this is probably more than you wanted to know about me.

And now to commence oversharing.

I'm not sure if I've mentioned enough that I turned 30 this year. With those 30 years has come some changes. I've decided I need to grow up a little. One step towards this "growing up" was learning about waxing. Except I'm cheap so it really meant buying a wax kit from Walmart, don't do that okay?

I ended up with bloody armpits that could not be touched by me or deodorant for days and legs that looked like they had suffered an acne bomb. It wasn't pretty.

But, never one to give up, I decided that Walmart probably just lied to me with their ridiculous product promises. Thank goodness google never lies, it just gives 8000 different opinions. My trusty friend Google led me to an hours worth of hair removal YouTube videos and finally an amazon shopping spree.

As I suspected, Walmart was evil and I just needed a different product. I am sharing this with you for several reasons.

1. Did you know waxing your legs and armpits could be sort of relaxing and entertaining?

2. Did you know that you should use different wax on legs and underarms? Do not make my mistake, google this before you too suffer irreparable armpit chafe.

3. I'm just so excited about my smooth as a babies bottom legs and armpits that I had to tell someone and it was weird when I tried to share with the checkout girl at Safeway.

4. Unless one of my sons becomes a professional swimmer I will have no one else to bequeath this knowledge to.

So, I got some time for myself and then played video games with my sons (I yelled twice and my oldest was in danger of throwing something but it was still pretty fun), and finally got to go with my kids, my husband, my sister and my mother in law on a little staycation afternoon and evening.

We shopped and ate and held 15 impromptu photo shoots for this flat Stanley paper doll that my niece sent us and that we were supposed to send back a week ago. He was mutilated twice but it turns out you can steal magical healing power scotch tape from pretty much any cash register. You just have to be quick. Or I guess you could ask too.

It was an interesting day. As for the weird behavior, well we had some of that all day but the best example was at dinner. We went to a brewing company and they gave us a huge booth with a tv mounted right by us. By the time our dinner came I noticed that none of my 3 sons was talking, moving or eating. Weird right?

As I looked around for the witch that cast this magic spell I realized they were zoning out on a televised poker tournament. I chastised them and got them to eat and pay attention to me momentarily but it didn't last long. You see a darts game came on and they were officially lost to the rest of us. As in zombified, I could have picked their nose and the wouldn't have noticed.

I was so disappointed by this behavior and ready to analyze everything that we've done wrong that must have brought us to this point but my husband convinced me it was funny and they were tired so I'm letting it go.

I mean, I will google tv obsessions in elementary age kids but then I promise I'm letting it go. And I might just have a quick chat with the school therapist about these sorts of behaviors. Or maybe I'll just do a Facebook poll on how much screen time my friends kids get so I can generate comparisons and project trends, but then I'm letting it go for real. I promise.