Wednesday, April 18, 2012

A little ageism here, a little sexism there

My original title ideas included, "I am a little boy" and "I identify with little boys" these turned out to be a little too pedophiley. File this under things you didn't need to know. Also I don't know if Ageism or Sexism are words or if I'm using them correctly. That's why I like this title, if it turns out I used them correctly I may need to change it.

I have been in two weird places lately.

One is with my age. Did you hear that I turned 30?

It's true.

When this happened my body got the message mixed up and went straight to geriatric. I seriously feel like overnight I can only wear elastic waist pants to be comfortable, certain foods don't sit right and I feel the need to share that with you, my skin lost all elasticity and has turn ashen and may start falling off, I need to be in bed by nine or I will be on the front lawn yelling at the neighbor kids in the morning, i get pops and creaks and weird noises when I bend, I need to sleep just right or I cant move my neck for two days, I get headaches all the time and yes, I have considered floral furniture and I only wear flats, preferably orthopedic.

But on the other hand, I do not identify with the elderly, except when we can sit around and compare our cricks and aches and smells, I identify with 5-7 yr old boys.'s not creepy. I have 5 -7 year old sons after all.

Somehow instead of me teaching them to be kind and wise and thoughtful and good bakers, they have been schooling me. When someone my own age wants to have a conversation I stare blankface or try to figure out how I would attack the problem if it was a Pokemon game. But amongst the younguns I swear I am a God. I know the name of more than a dozen Pokemon, pretty much every Star Wars character, at least 50 superheroes, plus their power, plus if they are DC or Marvel, all the Ben10 characters and powers, the rules to Pomaikai 4 square, cool basketball dribbling tricks, how to mock ninja fight and I am an avid beyblade battler. My current reading list has included Encyclopedia Brown, Peter and the Starcatcher, the Borrowers, Sideways stories from Wayside School, Shel Silverstein and Goosebumps.

That's right, I have gone to the dark side, there were no cookies.

I have been pondering this for some time now. I know I'm okay with the getting old thing, I was so awesomely youthful that I was bound to crash hard. I've come to terms and I wear sunscreen daily and have purchased hats that I will attempt to wear.

But this whole boy thing has me mystified. I am a little proud that I take interest in my sons activities and that they think I am cool. But I am a little sad that I think I might actually genuinely like Star Wars now and I'm counting the days til The Avengers comes out. It's nice that I can play a game with my sons but why did I have to learn all the bajillion rules of Pokemon? You better not invite me to your party, your bound to get a ninja headband and some Dagedar balls, because that's what comes to mind for appropriate presents these days.

It's settled, I'm watching ABC family teen dramas all weekend to make me young again and my boys are learning the art of flower arranging. That is sure to bring balance back to my world.

Or I could play scrabble at the community center and make mud pies in my back yard.

We'll just have to see.

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