Excuse #287: My computer broke

I have a lot of great excuses for not getting things done, excuse #287 is why I haven't blogged in oh.....two weeks or so :(

My computer really did break, well the power cord did. I don't want to hear about the 4 other computers in my house or how I can even blog from my phone from any of you know it alls (I am saying this with one hand on my hip and the other wagging a finger at you, you know who you are) My computer broke and that's the end of the story.

Oh yeah, and I'm lazy. I guess there's that too.

You'd never guess it from the title but this blog is about,

drum roll please/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\//\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\//\/\/\/\/
(that's my emoticon for drumroll, do you like it?)

BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!

Back to school time happens tomorrow, August 1st, here on the good ol' island of Maui.

No matter what I've said, I'm not ready.

And it's not just cause I keep forgetting to buy that one last thing on my childs school list (darn you elusive germx, darn you!). Well that's part of it, but there is soooooooooooooooooooo much more.

First, back to school means back to work. I like work. I am amazed that the position I have as Parent Facilitator even exists and I want to do my darndest to ensure that this position adds value to my childrens school. I love the hours, I love the people and I love being able to be super involved in my childrens education.


But on the other hand, work is work, and I love being home too. That didn't really happen more than a handful of times the entire summer so I feel it was a missed opportunity and that work has snuck up on me waaaayyy too soon. Hopefully my new schedule will allow me to find more balance in my life and the peacefulness of it all will overwhelm me and you will all be in awe of how much I manage to do all the time while still looking as great as I do :)

Or, you know, it could just go better than last year, that would work too.

Second, my twins are starting 2nd grade. Did you hear me? 2ND GRADE!!! That's old. Why didn't I make them get held back so they could stay little forever? Curses on me for making them too smart! Actually, I blame my husband for that one, so curses on him.

They are going to be in the same class this year for the first time. This has me in a bundle of nerves with my stomach tied into a thousand fancy little knots, the kind you think look pretty but that you can never undo. Never. I don't want my boys to be the kids that cause disruptions :( This thought saddens me to no end. BUT...we put them together with good reason, because it would exhaust me to handle 3 teachers, I mean, um, errr, because we think they will strengthen each others weak areas. Yeah, that's it! But what if they don't? BUT...WHAT...IF...THEY...DON'T!!!!!!

There's also the fact that I was able to mostly hide my crazy the last two years, but now that they have the same teacher it's all hangin' out there for everyone to gossip about. I have written the twins teacher no less than 3 lengthy emails regarding my oldest twin, and school hasn't even started yet. I don't want to be that parent...but I am. Before, no one knew that I only crazy stress over 1 twin, now it's blaringly obvious and makes it look like I don't love the other one. Between allergies, focusing issues, medications and his lack of ability to handle grief, my oldest is giving me ulcers. The younger twin however just cruises through life and makes the world smile. Don't get me wrong, he has issues too, but I just always know he'll be ok and be stronger from whatever he goes through. Not so much with the other one, not so much.

Third, my baby is starting Kindergarten. I knew you were feeling sick to your stomach when you realized I was having to deal with 2nd graders, but now can you even handle the insanity that is my life right now?!?!?!?! I know, neither can I.

My baby boy is small for his age, has a slight language delay and some socializing issues. His fine motor skills are subpar and his coloring is, as he puts it, "scribble scrabble." These things have me hoping and praying that he will go to PreK. An extra year of school could make all the difference in his pride and in his abilities. I would so much rather give him the opportunity to be a step ahead than always struggling to make the standard or even worse, a step behind. But I don't choose this, the school does. And he's so darn smart and adorable that who knows what voodoo magic he'll work on those unsuspecting Kindergarten teachers during testing. If you've seen his eyelashes than you understand my concern. The boy has magic powers to melt hearts and minds.

I realize that I could just pay for another year of preschool to ensure that he got the extra time I feel he needs but that costs money. So, instead I hope, I pray and I slyly prepare my bribes. All of that bundle of messy stressfulness doesn't even touch on that fact that this means I will be a parent of three school children, none of which can aim when using a toilet. I am telling you, life is waaaaaayyyyy too hard.

So that's it, now you know, it's Back to School time. The supplies are bought, the backpacks are ready and the uniforms are washed.

It's two weeks before I will be settled in to my new schedule, we'll know where our youngest was placed and all will be right in the world again. So if you think of me, pray, pray hard, pray really really hard.

Happiness is...

I think I need to focus more on happy thoughts and happy moments. So I am going to start a weekly post on my happy moments.

Today, happiness is...being home.

I got up this morning with time to shower and the chance to use my new (and 1st ever) blowdryer. That right there makes for a good day. My me prep time was 30 minutes instead of my usual 7 minutes of speed degrossifying while yelling at various other members of my family to degrossify themselves.

Then I cooked breakfast (this happens approximately 5 times a year). I should have been cranky about it (I was yesterday) because I had no choice but to cook because our family is on this crazy allergy elimination diet thing where I have to monitor everyones food closely. But instead I enjoyed the fact that i planned it out and that it worked out and that we all ate it. I even enjoyed cleaning it up and prepping our lunch (I know, it was weird for me too, enjoying these things is not usually on my radar)

Then my sons friend came over to spend the morning. This made me sigh and get all googly happy because I love watching them play together. The 4 of them were constantly entertaining me and it was amazing to see the growth in my youngest as he actually played with his friend and not just alongside him. OH HAPPY DAY!!! Some peoples kids just rock!

I got my laundry chores done and my house is moderately clean (as in not embarrassing and breaking no major health codes huzzah!!). I am currently sitting and toodling my time away on the computer because I can. Because I am home.

Later today I plan to sew, go on a bike ride and then my boys are going to their friends house leaving my husband and I home alone.

Do you see what I mean?!?!?!?! Happiness is being here in my home today.

Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh (that is my sigh of contentment not a scream...I know it's hard to tell these things when they are typed)

Mixed feelings

Wow! I am not sure how I should feel about today.

Yeah! I went hiking, this is always a yeah! Activity for me (except that one time at that one place, but whatever)

Boo! My husband had to work and really wanted to come. Most things are better with him around (pedicures and obgyn visits being obvious exclusions) and he was missed.

Yeah! I conquered the scary swingy ladder by the edge of a cliff thingy that had me ready to wet myself and that I always made excuses not to try before.

Boo! After coming down from that ladder thingy I had an outstanding embarrassingly awful duck dive and roll sort of a fall in front of like 20 people and barely managed to stay on my side of the cliff. Then later I renacted my fall on accident and went headfirst into some muddy boulders while preaching to my sons about walking carefully and safely. It wasn't my finest moment, but then I had to pee in bushes today so it had a lot to compete against.

Yeah! My sons all swam to the waterfalls and tried to catch fish (and even caught some that we brought home and will now raise as though they were our own)

Boo! I couldn't brave swimming. I am a water loser. And I am fairly certain I have mental issues.

Yeah! Great family night after with pool time, fish frying and me drinking on an empty stomach.

Boo! My picky eating habits mean that I had just rice for dinner and shamed my sons by making them eat things that I wouldn't (then later I snuck a banana and dessert but sssshhhh, they didn't see)

Yeah! To having such a great husband and mother in law and sister in law and brother in law who all made me feel puffed with pride when they gushed nice things about me (k so not everyone gushed but you get the point...someone said something nice at least once and gosh darn it people like me)

Boo! I am not in peak physical condition (I.e. fat but working on it) and those falls did a number on me so now I am home lying in a weird position to make my back feel better and typing on my tiny phone keyboard.

See! Not sure how to feel about today. Let's leave it at this, it was memorable.

That's my jam!

I am not a music person. I barely listen to the radio and I own a handful of cd's. I don't know the words to almost anything and I sing way too loudly with a lot of mumbling whenever I attempt to sing along. I own a handful of cd's that I bought from one of those cd buying clubs when I was in high school. Oh and one christmas cd from last year. My sons (who are 7) owned an MP3 player before me, I learned that I had one on my smart phone a few months ago.

With that disclaimer in place I need to acknowledge that I LOVE LOVE LOVE music. I can't believe it's magical powers, they're astonishing. When my jam comes on I get loud, I get moving and gosh darn it I get happy. Why didn't I listen to music more throughout my life? I feel like you all were keeping these powers secret from me. Shame on you!

With the MP3 phone thing I have my own personal soundtrack everywhere I go and it's always music I like, who knew how great that could be?

Oh well, the rest of the world sure...but to me this was all a great mystery.

I often wondered why I had not been bitten by the musical bug, everyone else in my family is really into it (and they all have musical talents too, isn't it disgusting?!?!) Then I had another epiphany (do you think I should look up the meaning of this word? cause I have been using it a lot lately!)

It's not that I have a problem with music, just music that I don't like!

When I got married 8 years ago my husband and I were planning a west coast roadtrip. In preparation I made a car tunes MP3 CD with 200 or so of my latest and greatest tunes. A few weeks ago I rediscovered this CD and it has been life changing. Every song that comes on has me screaming like a schoolgirl, "That's my jam!!" and then I dance obnoxiously and sing too loudly.

It's been providing constant entertainment for my sons as they sit and stare, eyes bugging out of their heads and mumbling under their breath, "I don't have to be like her, I don't have to be like her." But don't worry, I don't just put on this amazing show of musicality for my sons, it's also for the benefit of all the wondrous people driving by. I get amazing audiences at red lights. I can tell they wish they were in my van cause it's obviously where the party is at. Not once have people been concerned I was having a fit and called the authorities.

So, it took 29 years, but I think I am finally discovering the usefulness of music and I may be jumping on the bandwagon to buy a cd or two.

Wait, you say people dont buy cd's anymore?

Well maybe I'll just stick with my 8yr old CD of my greatest jams, so far it's served me well.

As a matter of fact I may go sit in my car now and get my jam fix just to start the day off right.

Cause I'm cool like that.

Freezing time

Every once in awhile I have a moment that makes me wish I had the ability to freeze time. Mostly life is just rough and if I make it through unscathed I feel successful. But every once in awhile...

This weekend I successfully made it through my oldest sons bad attitude, and we are both mostly unscathed. It was 3 days of wacky wear me down arguments about everything from blowing his nose to why I was ruining his breakfast. He gets so wigged out about things and feels the need to blame me for how he is feeling. His favorite phrase over the weekend was, "Well thank you for that information."

I know you're thinking how cute and polite he is even when angry.

HA!!!

Not even.

He says it in the rudest smarmiest way he can while bobbling his head side to side at me and generally stomps off after the phrase or throws something. It's super pleasant.

But.in the midst of this latest stress I had a frozen in my mind forever moment. It made me seriously consider inventing a freezeray and did cause me to spontaneously break out into a rousing rendition of "despicable me"

We went to a family friend house and they had a pool with a waterslide. The kids all went crazy and had loads of fun while I sat and watched and then we had dinner.

It was pleasant.

Then my youngest was begging to go back in the pool. I ignored him and waved it off for awhile but then had an AHA! moment realizing there was no good reason for me to not spend time with my son. So off we went, just he and I, down to the pool. I thought for sure others would join us (there were like 15 people at the party) but instead we got 20 minutes of pooltime at dusk all to ourselves. Aaaaaaaahhhhhh, that's good stuff!

In that time I got hugs, helped him swim underwater, worked on floating, gave tons of kisses, and had a great conversation with him about who he's going to marry and why he loves his aunty and uncle. I felt like we reconnected during this stolen moment and wish I could have frozen the moment to make it last a whole lot longer.

My youngest starts kindergarten this year and moments to ourselves will be even fewer and further in between. We've had a rocky relationship and it's taken us 5 years to really hit our stride. So we have had a dstinct loss of these frozen in time moments. Now that we're finally there I don't like to think about the changes coming ahead as he starts school and makes his own friends and life.

For now I'm just going to savor our sunset swim and replay it over and over in my head. I haven't laughed that much or felt that good in a long time. Makes me thankful for my boys all over again. They have a lot to teach me, and I have a lot to learn.

Feel like I should say something

I usually blog very semi regularly (that's a real thing, right?) but this summer has thrown me curveball after curveball.

Curveball #1 - best friend and other friend from Montana visited. This was fun, soooooooooooo fun, but put my boys and I off our schedule and left me without my usual nightly blog reading/writing time. Worth it but my writing did suffer a bit.

Curveball #2 - Father in Law passed away. This has required, and still requires a lot of emotional healing for my husband, myself and for our boys. Again it made it hard to write because even when there's a good day you feel bad that you felt good when such a sad thing just occurred. It made blogging awkward to say the least.

Curveball #3 - I planned for one month of Maui staycation madness and one month of Maui stay at home goodness. But... with the funeral came the family. So we have been blessed to be able to spend time daily with my husbands siblings and their families. But that again throws my normal schedule into chaos and I make it home every night in time to sleep but not to read/write any blogs.

Curveball #4 - I am very self-centered and usually write about myself and my boys. This summer has been filled with so many other people that I really don't know what/who is ok to write about. I don't want to offend anyone if I say a day wasn't great. I don't want to forget to mention someone when I talk about the awesome days. I don't want to vent and then have it taken seriously and have to hash it out in real life. So instead of facing my blogging conundrums I opt for silence. Silence is safe. Safe and boring.

Yet I feel like I should say something. I have had the honor of discovering several secret readers of my blog (as in you people who don't comment or publicly follow my blog) and they talk positively so I feel like I should be putting in more effort. Also I love blogging. When I write I feel better.

So now you know life is full of curveballs. I'm telling you, the thoughts I have are revoluntionary!!

I'll give you a brief highlight reel of my last week:

- went to my sick friends house (sorry for the label...I'll beg for forgiveness later) and discovered how great it can be to drop in on people. I hope she enjoyed spending time with me (who am I kidding? she loves me!!) because I loved every second of hanging out in bed with her :) Don't think weird, remember I told you she's sick?!? She let me unload all the stuff I couldn't write on here and got indignant for me and just generally made my life a little brighter.

- reconnected with my sister/roommate. I was getting concerned that we were entering a dark time. But we got an afternoon to hang out and as usual it was awesome and I laughed myself silly. She went download crazy on her smartphone and I've decided that someone should write an hour long stand up comedy routine all based on the comments people post for phone apps. It was oustanding and she was oustanding. Glad we're still cool.

- Finally spent my Pier 1 gift card from my dear friend that's been burning a hole in wallet for quite awhile. Got the best new picture frames and hangers ever and quickly put them up and made my room a little bit cooler...okay, a lot cooler!

- Whipped together a 4th of July party in like 3 days and had over 20 people show up to party the night away. My husband did most of the work and I made everyone else cook the food and share with us so it was non-stressful and entertaining. Wish we had spent more time playing board games and it left me dreaming about 2nd story lanais but still a very good party. Also, since it seems to be such a big deal, I guess I should let you know that I drank for like the 4th time in my entire 29 years of life. It was the Mikes Hard Lemonade variety pack that sucked me in. So now you know. That happened.

- Started the twins in summer tutoring with their old Kindergarten teacher. They are giddy excited about it. Day 1 they came home reading like champs and excited about learning. Day 2 left us with several long discussions about the longest words we could think of so that they could figure out how many syllables they had in them. Love that they get excited about these things, sad that it takes others to make them feel this way. I'll focus on the positive and say I am sooooo glad we have this particular teacher in our life, she's one in a million!

- Finally, missed out on a friends farewell beach thing today which bummed me out but did get to enjoy some family and best friend beach time instead which thrilled me. The weather was perfect and the children were well behaved. My new beach chair took my beach experience to whole new level and all was well in the world. So yeah, I liked today and I loved the company I had with me. 3 lovely ladies and 5 adorable children will make me smile everytime.

Now I'm off to bed. This post got long so I am sure that I did say something...next time I'll try for a more put together something...but these are the dogged days of summer so no promises.