My parenting evolution

This isn't a profound post about the evolution of parenting as a whole. I am not that thoughtful and rarely profound. Instead I decided to force some of my parenting decisions on you. Errrrr, I mean share them with you, yes share.

I am a mother to twin 8 yr olds, a 6 yr old and we are expecting another one in June. I love my kids but they go through phases like nobody's business. Every time I think I have parenting figured out they throw me a curveball and its time to evolve. AGAIN.

I am pretty strict with my kids overall. I explain my expectations before we go anywhere or experience anything. If they cant handle it i have to choose to alter my expectations or haul them out of the situation.

Of course my expectations vary greatly.

At the park - if you can't seem me I can't see you. Wait your turn. Don't put things from the ground into your mouth. Tell me you need to go the bathroom before its already happening. Do not speak to other adults.

At the store - do not touch anything unless you're asked. Want something? Put it on your birthday or Christmas list or buy it yourself. Stay next to me. Tell me you need to go to the bathroom before its already happening. Do not speak to other adults.

At school - do your best today. Be kind to someone. Don't forget your homework. Don't put anything but food into your mouth. Speak to adults when they speak to you. Wait your turn.

At the doctor office - wait quietly. Speak to adults when they ask you questions. Don't touch anything. Wash your hands before, during and after visits. Then sanitize your entire body when you get home.

And so on and so on. My boys can generally tell you what's expected of them in most situations and usually rise to the occasion. They are genuinely good kids.

But despite my best efforts we hit bumps in the road. There was a time when my twins were about 3 that they began exploring boundaries. I lost my oldest like 5 times in one month. We stopped going anywhere without an adult assigned specifically to him until this little phase ran its course. Parks and beaches began to give me nightmares.

Another time my boys forgot all forms of table manners and patience for a period of like 6 months. This meant that we didn't go to restaurants for 6 months. I also considered tying them to chairs but was vetoed by my saner husband.

In any situation (barring places like the dr. Office where I can't leave...) if my kids can't meet my expectations they get a warning and a chance to apologize. If that doesn't work, we leave. My mom told me when my babies were still very young that it was important to always be ready to leave the party, shopping cart, etc... If your child can't handle it. I followed her advice to great success. O course there are definitely exceptions like new situations, unfair pressure from others or learning opportunities where you stick it out. But, the majority of the time I just up and leave whenever I need to. It's a consequence that they understand and respect. Of course if we ever go somewhere they don't want to I guess I'm screwed because they can totally use this method against me.

This past month we've been having bump after bump. Moe cries to get his way, Curly has gotten really into wrestling whether his brothers want to or not and Larry thinks its okay to yell at me anywhere, anytime. So we're taking a break from life :)

Not really, but we have quit almost all of their extracurricular activities at least for the next month or so. They are all getting really good at writing apology letters and we are using a discipline method my husband created called the reset button. This Christmas break we planned nothing. We are mostly staying home or running errands and learning how to behave all over again. I'm sure we're missing out on all sorts of holiday fun but we're doing what we can handle right now.

I'm praying this phase will be short lived and thankful that I've experience crazy phases like this before so that I know there's a light at the tunnel. My parenting is constantly evolving to handle the challenges that are thrown my way. I'm never sure if I'm doing it right but every time they say thank you without a reminder, ask to use a bathroom when we're near one, remember to put on their shoes without a reminder or use a Kleenex instead of picking their nose I know we're on the right track or at least the track that will lead to the right track.

How about you? How do you handle those bumps in the road where your angelic children suddenly act like you've been feeding them crazy pills?

Accepting your child

I have hinted at, skirted around and vaguely referred to some troubles in our household over the last few months. The truth of the matter is that one of our sons is struggling and it's effecting all of us greatly. The majority of the time I either can't find the funny in my day or if I have I worry you won't get my humor and find me crass. Plus, it requires soooooo much explanation.

I'll attempt the short version. Our oldest son Larry, age 8, has a temper and can be emotional. Since the beginning of this school year these behaviors seem to have escalated. I won't share details, I'll leave it at that.

Needless to say, the escalation had my husband and I concerned so we took him to the pediatrician to see if we could get help figuring out what was up. This led to a myriad of doctors, specialists, testing etc.... and it sort of worked. A month ago I was going to post about how we had conquered childhood depression and wax poetic about the value of seeking help and advocating for your child.

Except it turns out that we're not quite ready to hit the talk show circuit with our parenting wisdom just yet. Thanksgiving provided us with a 100% setback. Add to that the fact that society does not talk about depression and you might see the reasons for my near silence on this blog.

I had never even heard that kids could get depressed and I am still not sure how I feel about a diagnosis of "major depression" but I am baring my soul to you on the subject
1. So you know why I've been weird, silent, absent etc...
2. So you'll say an extra prayer for Larry for whatever it is he's dealing with
3. So you can fully grasp how big the things that I am learning are to me

Larry and I now go to "talk therapy" every 2 weeks. The counselor has mostly been getting to know us over the past few months and has only actually seen my son in one of his moods during the most recent visits. This means that most of our sessions have a lot of discussion on more things I should be doing to support my son. I always leave a little frustrated and think that she doesn't understand just how much time and attention I am already giving my kids. How dare she judge me! Why can't she just fix him? I am not the problem! Then I calm down and see at least glimmers of wisdom in her suggestions.

I'm slowly learning that my sons views and perceptions have changed and are skewed. I focus so much on how he used to be that I forget to accept who he is right now in this moment. In the last few weeks she has been reiterating how we need to find the positive. Larry and I started a journal where we write at least one good thing that happened in our day. He often struggles to find one thing, even if I can point out several. We have now added a smile chart to the journal too and our goal is a smile a day. We're not there yet but we are getting at least a few smiles a week which is an improvement :)

Again, I'm saying all of this because I am finally finding some value in it. It's fascinating to force yourself to find a positive in everything. It's amazing the power that words, tones and inflections have on others emotions.

Through his journey I am slowly learning to embrace the smallest of joys and to celebrate every triumph joyously. I think I may be finally learning to not sweat the small stuff. This is one of the hardest things I have been through but I can honestly say that it is improving our family.

Larry's joy for today was having a day so full that he was exhausted when it was time for bed. His actual words were, "I like that we did a lot and so im tired and glad for bed." My joys for today were many. I saw Larry control his emotions on at least 3 occasions where we would have normally had outbursts. He agreed and was excited to go on a date with me tonite. We saw a movie and walked around a store and talked and talked. He let me hug him and held my hand and he smiled more than once.

My heart is filled to overflowing right now and it has me in a safe place where I can now share a glimpse of what we're going through. We'll continue to have good and bad days but I'm going to stop letting it hold me back and I am going to strive harder to live by example for him. I am publicly declaring it so that I can come back and read this when my strength waivers and my resolve fails. I am forever grateful to the select few that I have shared this with that have supported me and withheld judgement.

Now that I've gotten this off my chest we can resume our regularly scheduled programming of the laughter and insanity that occurs every time I try to take a little "Time for B"

P.s. I am not posting this as a way to fish for compliments and I am certainly not looking for judgement. I am mostly writing this because everyone is so freakin silent on the topic and it is an overwhelming topic. It's heavy stuff and very confusing and I want others to know they're not alone.

Cancelled Christmas. You know, like you do.

I'm 99% sure that you've all been missing me and my witty banter lately so I thought I'd gift you all a catch up blog for the holiday season.

Life has been very lifey lately. Sorry, but there's really no better way to put it.

Since I made the big announcement that we were having a fourth child ON PURPOSE it's really cramped my blog writing. All of a sudden I felt immense pressure to tell you about the wonder of pregnancy and the magical moments my family is having while planning for baby #4 (we can call her Marsha for now. This will not be her/his real name) The problem with these pressures are that it's just generally not my style of writing. I write the occasional sappy moments but mostly I tell you about the crazy ridiculous and sometimes horrible stuff because that's what I like to read about. It makes me feel grateful for what I have and glad I'm not going through what you're going through. Sometimes I read your stories and I get to have a "thank God it's not just me/my kids" moment. So that's mostly what I try to give to you my loyal readers.

It provided me with quite the dilemma every time my kids produced some goldenly awful moment that was oh so blog worthy. I would go to post and then have that moment of, "but they'll be like, why is she having more when she can't handle the rug rats she already has!" I've decided that haters are going to hate so the stories must be shared regardless.


For the record, I love my kids and most of our daily moments are awesome. Awesome, but not funny so we'll skip those. Today, for instance. Today, was not great. I was up at 5am prepping for a big meeting and got my kids up early so we could go Starbucks for the meeting before 7am. Getting my kids up early never works out. Moe stole his brothers underwear, Larry refused to take his medication and curly just wandered the house aimlessly. I asked them to make their lunches, it turned into a screaming fight about vegetables and arguments over cheese that is apparently too creamy. This lovely morning culminated in a lost lunchbox that I decided HAD to be found that instant that put us 30minutes and a dirty trip under the bunk beds behind schedule.

We made it to school with tears, promises and threats. After school I decide to extend an olive branch. I was all, "screw this bad day, lets do a trust exercise!" You know, like you do. So I asked them to finish their homework In My office while I helped with a project on another part of campus. This turned into more tears, promises and threats as they just went completely haywire and accomplished nothing.

Then, in a moment that will surely haunt me and my sons future therapists, I threatened to take away Christmas. I explained to my 3 cherubs that they must have been possessed by aliens because my sons didn't behave like this and then explained in detail what skipping Christmas would mean if their behavior did not Improve. I was now THAT parent.

Then we went to Costco and I fed them dinner at 3:45pm. You know, like you do. Then we got home and I got them to bed and started feeling guilty. I posted my awful moment on Facebook, but don't worry, I took the high road and blamed my husband. That's what he gets for going on business trips. Plus curly gave me the idea when he tearfully explained that missing his daddy is probably why he's being bad.

So, there's your present. Merry Christmas! You are 110% guaranteed to have been a better parent than me today even if you're not a parent.

And finally, in this new thing I'm trying, here is my gushy moment of the day. The day sucked but today was still a huge win for me. Larry is going through some especially nasty stuff right now and I worry and worry and then stress about it. But today, even though he had an awful day, he ended it with a genuine smile and mirth filled moment when he heard my new ringtone. That smile made my entire week. Then on top of that I asked him to tell me a positive for his day and without hesitating he explained that listening to na mele sing today was awesome and that he was proud of his friends and loved it. I know you don't know the details, but this is huge people, huge! Love that kid:)

So much news!

There are so many reasons for my silence this past month. There was the tough stuff that was happening in our lives, the funny stuff and the secret stuff. I can't decide which one to talk about and I don't have the energy to write all 3 at this moment.

By result of random drawing I will discuss....(drumroll please).... secret stuff.

I found out in the beginning of October that I was pregnant. Hip hip hooray!!! But... there's all these rules and junk that say you shouldn't tell people right away. I had one of those thought processes going on of "What if I tell everyone and something happens? Then I'd have to talk to everyone twice!" and "If I tell everyone now and then find out it's twins at the ultrasound I'll have to tell everyone twice!"

Basically I wanted to do as little talking as possible.

I know this is rare for me, but I didn't know how people would react. I googled it and discovered that the whole pregnant with our 4th child news doesn't always go over well. Apparently people think you're being greedy or something. Some get upset because it's not fiscally responsible. Others go with the whole population problem and point out how you're adding to it. With all of this information available I was less eager to share than ever :( I know, sad right?

However, my 3 boys want another baby at our house. Badly. I also hate secrets and surprises so as much as I was unsure how to tell the world I was in agony waiting to tell my precious children the news they had been waiting to hear.

I had my ultrasound at the beginning of this month and everything appeared normal. They only found one baby, and trust me, I made the doctor check like 5 times. I'm very serious about not liking surprises. That evening we took our sons out to dinner and broke the news. It was outstanding! Our 8 yr old twins acted cool. They smiled a lot and asked some questions but mostly were into their dinner. Our 6 year old was giddy excited. He kept saying "we're having a baby!" and "I'm going to be a big brother!" We told them that we would let them tell everyone else.

The car ride home that night is a memory I'll cherish forever. It was time for the inevitable "where do babies come from?" discussion. I had prepared for this. I read books, I polled other parents, I googled. Yet I was totally unprepared. Apparantly my sons knew that a baby comes from an egg but they were having trouble distinguishing between a chicken egg and a human egg. From there they thought it best to follow the life cycle of a bug. Curly summed up all of their different theories into one easy story:

Moms lay eggs in their tummies 12 times a year.
Sometimes the eggs die and sometimes the eggs become babies.
When an egg becomes a baby it grows in the moms tummy.
It gets food from the mommy through a tube. That's why mommies can't have caffeine. Caffeine is not good for babies.
The baby grows for 9 months and then the egg cracks open and hatches.
The mommy goes to the hospital and the doctors cut her open and take out the baby.

I didn't correct or question any of it. So far I am very content with letting them all believe in this story. I'm sure we have a lot more of these conversations heading our way and I am in no rush to have them. I have never been happier at my sons lack of curiosity.

The next day we met up with my sister and my boys shared the exciting news. She was so excited that it got me more excited. So far so good on the reactions right? The plan was to have the boys call or video chat with my parents, my other 2 sisters and my husbands sister. We planned to tell the rest of my husbands family when they came to visit for Thanksgiving. After that we'd roll out some adorable announcement on facebook to let the world at large know and bask in all of the attention.

Except our adorable little Moe couldn't keep his trap shut for even a day and blurted it out to his Grandma when we met her for lunch the day after he found out. This ruined the plan and so we hastily put together a video clip of when the boys found out and texted it to immediate family/close friends who don't check facebook and then posted it on facebook after we were sure our family had checked their text messages. The boys got to share it at school with their friends and teachers (except a lot of the staff already knew because I went to a staff baby shower right after my ultrasound and I couldn't lie when everyone asked "are you going to have another?") but the big reveal didn't quite work out.

I think we're all okay with it. Except maybe Curly who didn't realize everyone knew and tried to tell his Aunty and Uncle yesterday. The moral of this is, if one of my kids tells you I'm pregnant, pretend it's the most exciting brand new news that you've ever heard!!! Pretty please.

Points of Clarification:

Yes, this was planned. When my father-in-law passed away my husband and I both realized that we couldn't wait to have a child until the money or timing was right. It was most important for the baby to know as much of our family as possible. Also, our boys begged a lot. Begging works. Finally, have you seen/met my kids? They are freakishly adorable and amazing and we were doing the entire word a disservice to provide them with another little bundle of awesomeness.

Yes, we are hoping for a girl. I mean really?!? WE HAVE 3 BOYS. Yes, those were yelling capitol letters. We will find out the gender in February and due to my hatred of surprises we will spread the word as soon as we know. The good news is that we are as close to experts as you are ever going to find when it comes to boys so either way this baby will be a blessing.

I am due in June 2013. It will be a planned c-section unless an act of God occurs.

Yes, I threw out all our baby stuff. I am a very giving person/hater of clutter so I regifted a lot of our baby stuff to friends and family as soon as we were done with it. I saved the big stuff for a long time but I had a little breakdown after trying to get pregnant for a year and having it not work out where I gave away the rest of our baby stuff. At this point we have some very old boys infant size clothes and a breast pump that I need to make sure still works. I'm thinking this will make it a much bigger adventure and you gotta love adventure :)

Reliving my childhood

There were a lot of great things about growing up in Montana.

I'm sure you're imagining hiking, camping, boating, lakes, mountains and all the amazing outdoor brilliance that Big Sky Country has to offer.

No?

Maybe you're in the camp where Montana brings to mind teepees, indians, prairies, gold miners and one room school houses. You're outdated by a good 60 years or more but... sure, we had some of those things too.

No?

Are you one of "those" people who thinks of moutain lions, bears, rattlesnakes, avalanches, fires and floods? We had those things too but c'mon! That's why they teach survival skills in Montana public schools.

(p.s. that public school education has made me rock at this game: )

Well, it's none of the above.

Having a store within walking distance of my house is what made me relive my childhood today. I have been eagerly anticipating the opening of this store for well over a year:

Today was the grand opening and blessing ceremony (FYI we bless all our new buildings in Hawaii) The Kona winds were a blowin' (this means hot sticky voggy valley of sun filled death IMO) but my sister and I braved the weather and took my 3 boys for their first walk to the neighborhood store.

Pretty walking path right? :)

In 20 short minutes we made it to the jam packed madhouse that was our local Longs Drug Store. We had free ice cream, free chocolate covered macadamia nuts and each bought a drink to have on the walk back. Sound magical?

It might not sound amazing, but it was. I relived the first place I remember living. A big two story house in uptown Kalispell, MT. I was only about 3 or 4 at the time but our family would walk to the local mini mart and get gigantic sodas, red nuts, boston baked beans candy and 5 cent gummy worms. The butcher shop called "Meat Supply" was another favorite place to walk. They had a candy corner and the prices ranged from 1 cent to 50 cents. I felt so rich going there to spend my money and never regretted a single Now and Later pack that I purchased.

When I started preschool we moved to Evergreen, MT and lived on my grandparents property in a yellow and brown trailer. This is the home where I grew up. I lived there until I left home at 18 to go to college. There was a gas station a short 15 minute walk from my house. It was across the 4 lane highway from the Jr. High School (this Jr. High was for 5th-8th graders). You knew you were trusted when mom & dad allowed you to go the gas station. Candy is about the only thing I ever purchased there, but it was awesome candy. They had the soda flavored gum with the liquid center, warheads that I would feed to my dog to see his reaction, 5 cent candies that tasted gross but were so cheap that you bought them anyways, Cows tails and most importantly Zotz. This was also my skittle supplier. I needed skittles as soon as my friend April taught me that if you fill your mouth with them you can spit the rainbow. This was often our ladylike activity as we wandered the neighborhood.

Growing up in Montana with my family was great. 

Most of my memories are not of candy and shopping but all the ones that are are happy memories that make me smile for days. I can't wait until I can trust my boys enough to let them walk to the store alone. I look forward to family walks together with a little treat of some kind from our neighborhood store. I envision using less gas and walking or biking to get those household sundries that run out at the most inopportune times. I have high hopes of awesomeness for our new store but no matter what I will hold today in my heart forever as an amazing memory and important moment where I relived a piece of my childhood with my boys.

These pics are unrelated to my sappy story but still should be shared. Have you ever seen an ice cream sundae section? Yeah, apparently we have that.

Also, the grand opening sales consisted of rice, soda, bottled water, vegetable oil and feminine pads. 

Weird opening sales right? 

But people were buying the stuff by the cart load and there was an entire aisle for each sale product. I had to snap a picture of the most rice and vegetable oil that I have ever seen! 

Crazy right?

The Family Plan - Part 2

It's the beginning of October and we've been on the "family plan" for 2 months. I'm going to reuse my format from last month but really I should just take minutes from our monthly family meeting, it would be more amusing.

For any of you just tuning in, my family is taking a year to save money, learn new skills, solve some of our family problems and spend more time together. We now have monthly family meetings and parliamentary procedure (in its most rudimentary form) is alive and well in our house. Let me tell you, you haven't lived until you hear a six year old with a speech impediment make a motion and ask for yea's and nay's. It's veeeeeeery hard to vote against him!

September Focus - De-clutter our house/schedule
August Focus - Work together as a family

GOAL #1: Save Money.
There is supposed to be no spending money on anything not 100% necessary. I budget $100 a week for groceries and $200 for household expenses for the month and then there's all of our regular boring bills. Our boys are now responsible for earning their own money and purchasing anything they want. We only supply needs.
Update: We added in a monthly family meeting to discuss once a year expenses like birthdays, holidays, safety inspections etc... and to discuss how everything is going and what changes we should make. We also gave my husband a $100 a month lunch budget for October and added another $30 into the school lunch/breakfast budget (which was at $120) Finally, we got my entire side of the family on board for a no cost (except for shipping) christmas.

RESULTS: We're getting the hang of it.

The weekly food budget has become easy. One of the boys helps me meal plan over the weekend and we make a list and I grocery shop every Monday. I try to take a child and have them use the calculator (gotta utilize those real life math moments right?) if our schedule permits.

It's actually going so well that I come in under $100 often. But then I'm all excited that I came in under and I walk around the store looking for other snacks etc... to spend it on. I have some seriously messed up stuff going on in my head! This month I'm going to track every time I come in under and purposefully not spend it to try to break this habit. I mean seriously, who does that?!?!?

We've learned that our estimates are not very accurate for once a year activities. For instance, we budgeted $100 for Moe's 6th birthday. With food, presents etc... we spent closer to $200. We budgeted $200 for the county fair and we spent $160. We probably shoudl have treated it more like a budget and just stopped when we reached the alotted amount but that in itself has been a hard habit to re-learn.

We decided to try giving a budget for eating out. We made it $100 for the month. Then we started tennis 2x a week for the twins and our schedule went haywire. This meant that we sometimes ran out of time for my beautifully planned meals and had to eat out. We ended up spending $200 :( This made me sad, very sad.

Turns out my head is wonky in this area too. We may revisit the eating out budget and try the $ envelope system but for now we took a vote and we're back to zero meals out. I seem to only be able to handle all or nothing, give me a compromise and I will completely ignore it. This was an unfortunate thing to discover about myself.

The best part of this remains the boys purchasing things for themselves. Movies, toys, snacks etc... are all paid for from their earnings. They are learning hard, but valuable, lessons. They want to spend it the minute they get it and they are not fans of working to earn extra during the month. I feel the same way when I get my paycheck :) At our family meeting tonite we were discussing where the money would come from for added expenses like extra school lunches etc... My oldest son made the best comment, "Well I want school lunch but I love going on trips so this is a tough decision..." There is definitely some understanding regarding the value of money and saving. Two of the boys have now lost their wallets and the contents of the wallets (one had $19!!! A fortune to an 8 yr old) which also served as its own hard lesson.

We're not making our monthly savings goal yet but we're getting a lot closer and we are all becoming more aware of where the money goes so I am happy with this part of the experiment. Getting creative with handmade/re-gifted christmas presents is down right thrilling in my book. I love a good project! We had a family brainstorming session and everyone came up with great ideas. I wish I could share them but my family reads this blog so it would sort of ruin the surprise. My husband was not thrilled with the prospect of making presents for 8 people but even he has jumped on board and has spent the last three nights working furiously to get it over with (he has a wonderful grinchy quality, don't you think?)

GOAL #2: Chores.
Here's a picture of one of the chore charts.

These are definitely still a work in progress(and well used. Do you like the wrinkles?). They are all similar but not exactly the same (one son has more pet responsibilities, another has a lot of medications he needs to remember etc...)I know some might seem silly but the goal is for me to nag less and for them to be more aware of how they need to help to make our household work. Personal accountability and all that...

At the beginning of the month they each receive a mason jar with $30. If the chores are done they get to keep their dollar for the day. If not, they lose the dollar. They don't get the money until the end of the month. Here's a picture of the extra chores that can be done daily for immediate money.

Since our goal for September was to de-clutter we made a family clutter challenge. The idea was if we each focused on one room daily for the month we would be able to de-clutter it and to figure out who/what was causing the clutter to pile up. Here's a picture of that chart:

RESULTS: Hmmmm, needs tweeking.
We changed things up a bit. The immediate $ chore list was not being utilized so now we voice that a job needs to be done. If someone volunteers, they get paid. If no one volunteers, someone is assigned and there is no payment. We're trying to teach them to look for needs and offer to meet those needs.

I don't think it's working.

At our family meeting tonite I asked why they only made $11 out of their $30. The overwhelming response is that they need more reminders. I feel like I'm already giving a lot of those so we revamped the system...AGAIN...

I will now remind them to cross off their list in the morning and at night. Instead of policing rooms etc... to make sure chores are done I will check to see if the list is crossed off to determine if they get to keep their $1. This option lends itself to dishonesty so we had a discussion that crossing something off that you didn't do is a form of lying (we took a vote to decide if we all thought it was lying, only one kid voted no). It was then decided by everyone that if you got caught crossing off illegally you receive the lying punishment. (the lying punishment = grounded for 1 week, or 4 chores chosen by mommy/daddy to be completed immediately, your choice).

We also discussed the "accidental" cross off. You know, the one where you see the chore on the list and cross it off as you go to do it. Then you get distracted and never do the chore. WE NEVER CROSS OFF UNTIL WE HAVE COMPLETED A TASK. I'm not sure if I can stress this one enough.

I am psychic. I know the "accidental" cross off is going to happen.

The family clutter challenge did not go well (in case you couldn't tell from the picture). We all kind of gave up half way. Well, except Moe. He loved it and declared the stairs/entryway to be the easiest chore ever and that no one ever leaves stuff there. We all gave it a sort of effort but to do it everyday was impossible. My husband was gone on a trip at the beginning of the month and that whole tennis thing was starting so we didn't even start until 10 days in.

For this next month we all got new areas and we set aside 1 hour twice a week to work on the clutter. If you finish early you are supposed to find someone to help. The idea is to work together to conquer the clutter beast. If we succeed we each get to go shopping on amazon for one new item. I realize we're rewarding the clutter removal with new clutter but that's what we voted on. One small step at a time.

We also added a dedicated hour every Sunday to the weekend chores.

If these are accomplished it's an extra $1 in the jar each weekend. I am not loving this either but the weekend chore chart was being completely ignored so this is the first effort to get some focus back on it.

GOAL #3: Fitness
This one is simple. Eat better. Exercise more. Do more family fit activities.

RESULTS: On again/Off again

The eating better is definitely getting there. Eating at home and meal planning means a lot more fruits and vegetables. Going back to the eating out ban should further the healthy initiative.

I am making it to the gym 2x a week (thanks to my workout partner!!). My goal this month is 4x a month but the month started with fall break so we'll see if I can rebound or not. The boys and I played tennis together and only one kids cried so that was a win.

There's a convenience store opening close to our neighborhood so we took a family run to see just how close it was. By run, I mean drag the six year old while being dragged by our two dogs. We walked 3 quarters of it. Good news is its only a 10 minute trip each way. And only 100 people we know probably saw our ridiculous band of misfits. From now on it will be a trip for just myself and the dogs or just the twins and I. The 6 yr old is going to have to train at home and work up to the 10 minute jog.

I attempted to take Larry and our puppy Chewbacca on a bike ride. I wanted to teach Chewbacca how to run alongside a bike. This was an easy job with our other dog so I didn't even give it a second thought.

It probably deserved a third and fourth thought at least.

Chewbacca is easily 5 or 6 times the size of our dog Leia. That means that he can easily pull my bike and possibly dislocate my arm. I did not account for this and ended up going head first over the handlebars and having the bike flip in the air and land on top of me. If I had one of those helmet cams I would have totally won AFV. Does anyone still watch America's Funniest Videos?

But... I didnt let go of the dog and I was able to get up so we'll call this a win too. It was an interesting bike ride that I am not looking forward to repeating.

We mostly sucked at the family exercise stuff, I'm hoping to make it a focus in November or December.

CONCLUSION: It takes a lot more time than I thought to develop new habits. Right now I'm celebrating that we're becoming more aware of our bad habits. Its a sort of sad celebration. I am looking forward to a month where we completely kill one of our goals and make a solid change in our lives. That could happen right?

Stay tuned for The "family plan" - part 3 at the end of October.

Goals

My friend and neighbor who has 6, yes 6, amazing children, often has outstanding Facebook posts. We don't hang out that often... really, its almost never now that our bunco group has disbanded. (you know how that goes, right?) But, I feel that false sense of closeness and familiarity that only a Facebook friendship can bring (j/k... sort of)
Her posts usually have a delightful glimpse into her children or her life. For instance, today she posted a picture of her oldest sons (I think he's 12) "to do" list from a few months ago. (I asked her if I could share it with you. Adorable right?!)

It got me thinking of a writing project for my boys (they all hate writing so I have to get sneaky with this stuff. Grocery lists, addressing envelopes, mandatory pen pals etc... I take what I can get.)

So tonite we began our discussion on goals. At first everything they thought of was something that could be accomplished this evening. So we decided to write some life goals, cause thats important when you're ages 6 and 8 right? Its actually part of the Kindergarten curriculum for Hawaii's public schools to teach goals and attempt to accomplish them. So, as you can see I am clearly doing this all for them and their education. Or it could be for the sheer unadulterated cuteness and ahhhhhhhh factor of it all. And maybe a chance to get crafty and pin a project on the wall, I love excuses to get crafty and pin stuff on the wall.

At first I asked each boy to write 10 goals. This promptly began the always pleasant negotiation process where they break me down until I'm a shadow of my former self, scared to ever open my mouth again. Then they go in for the kill and I meekly agree to whatever will make the negotiations stop. It's 3 against 1 and they are formidable opponents.

 Its started with -

"What about 2?"
"Will you take 1 and a half?"

That was just the warmup offers. They knew my defenses weren't lowered yet. Then began -
"Do we each have to write 10 or can it be 10 altogether?"
"What if we just tell you 10 and don't have to write anything?"
"Okay, what about we tell you 15 and only write our top 1?"

At this point my choice is to take the least offensive offer or suffer through the completely ridiculous and outlandish ones that are sure to come next.

We settled on a cumulative 10.

The brainstorming amazingness began and we jotted down what we could as the creative juices began to flow. Then things got silly and the goals became things like "sleep for 5 seconds and set the record for shortest sleep" and we collectively decided (I yelled "enough" and then said "we'll continue tomorrow" through gritted teeth) to continue the project tomorrow. (No, I did not overreact. They all were giggling incessantly which sounds cute and kills eardrums. Also, I only put the cute weird goal, the list of utterly ridiculous and annoying ones is just too long. Finally they were all shouting and timing each other to break the record for shortest sleep)

Don't worry, I'll pull out the stickers and glitter glue (or something equally artsy fartsy and outstandingly enthralling) and get them back on track first thing tomorrow. I'm crossing my fingers and hoping for some stellar garage playroom artwork to come out of this project.

**Drumroll Please**

Here's what they have so far:

1. Make an invention (Larry)

2. Own every kind of Lego ever made (Curly)

3. Build a monster city of paper and cardboard (Moe)

4. Write a song (Larry)

I can't wait to see what they add to the list tomorrow :)

What are your kids goals? Ask them and then make sure you tell me all of the adorable/inspiring details!!!!