Monday, August 5, 2013

1st Day FAIL!

Our household has been very excited about the 1st day of school. We've discussed it for months, completed back to school shopping and attended back to school night.

Yet somehow we managed to FAIL just about everything today.

We never ran through the morning schedule before today. Of course I had the entire plan masterminded in my head but I guess if you don't share it with others it's hard to actually master. 

i realized at 3:30am that we had forgotten to set alarms, oops. The baby woke up at 6:00am screaming bloody murder and refusing to be calmed by any of the usual tricks meaning that the mornings alarm was basically me sticking the screaming baby in my cherubic sleeping sons faces. I'm all about making each day special and unexpected like that. It's called quality parenting.

Moving on I realized that I hadn't made them breakfast and due to the still screaming baby was going to have trouble keeping them on track in my usual school morning manner of screaming "hurry up!" every 5 minutes and following it with "are you ready yet?" I therfor allowed one to eat cake, one to eat a frozen breakfast sandwich in the car and i never checked to see if the third actually ate anything. My oldest got ready super fast and then explained to me that I had forgotten to shave his head and it had to be done before he could go to school. I gave in and said ok and then he spent 30 minutes bringing me every attachment for the hair clippers except for the size #1 1/8 inch that we needed. He finally found it as my youngest came upstairs in full melt down mode because he couldn't find the meat to pack in his lunch and his flame shoes that head to wear had been stolen, he as just sure of it. I put out these fires as best I could (meaning there may have been hair clippings in the lunch meat) only to realize that curly had still not been seen or heard from. It was now time to walk out the door and he was in the shower. As I was about to give up and just say lets try the 1st day again tomorrow, I looked in a mirror and realized I was still in my pajamas with hair that could rival a very young Michael Jackson.

My resolve was back. I think it was due to the shock i received from the horrific hairdo sighting. We made it out the door 20 minutes late and got in the car where I discovered a pile of papers that were to be filled out and submitted the first day of school. They were all blank and they all needed to be done in triplicate. Got to school where it was raining and we didn't have rain jackets or umbrellas and made all the boys sit in the car and be tardy so I could quickly fill out the papers. Walked them to their classes and then went to the office and filled out more papers (incorrectly I might add) and left them in the mailboxes they needed to go in.

I made it home to discover that my husband had magically stopped the maniacal crying fit of baby and then discovered that if I made any noise the crying fit resumed and all sleep was lost. Continued the cycle of feed, change, burp, swaddle, curse silently, allow cry it out for the 30 seconds I could handle til my eardrums burst and repeated that unsuccessfully until noon where I decided to screw it all and take her out with the hopes she might sleep in the car.

Went to the mall. Baby got quiet but never slept. I forgot my coupons and overpaid for things I didn't need, couldn't find the things I did need, had to order a subpar lunch because they were out of what I wanted and got stuck with someone asking questions about baby while I desperately tried to leave until I had to be rude, cut them off and rush because I was late picking up my boys from the first day of school.

Got to school and baby had FINALLY FALLEN ASLEEP! So then I had to haul her out of the car, waking her up and rush to try and find my boys who I had missed because did I mention I was late? Found my boys and discovered youngest had forgotten 90% of his stuff in his classroom, was accidentally rude to my sweet friend as I rushed right past her in my ridiculous frenzy, got stuck in after school traffic and made it home where the maniacal screaming resumed itself immediately upon crossing the threshold.

Now it was time to pump, help boys with homework, check on pets, answer the phone and handle screaming baby all in the exact same moment. I didn't excel at this task. After 1 hour  Moes homework was complete and baby was finally calmed down. After 2 hours, a lot of tears, and possibly some bribing, the twins homework was done and baby had resumed crying. 

It is now 5pm and there is nothing left for me to say or do, this day cannot be brought back from the horrible horrible death that it died. I think it's time to strategize, hire a maid and reconsider joining a cult where there are tons of people assigned to help with everything so nothing ends up being your fault. Instead I'll probably just take a nap and repeat this whole mess tomorrow.

Just curious, how was your day?

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