Fears

I have been afraid of many things in my life. My fear of birds is the worst but snorkeling, food and water are not far behind. I face my fears daily and try my best not to let them win.

But...no one ever prepared me for the fears that come with parenting. Its a daily dread of how i will screw things up or what they will manage to bump, break or stick up an orifice. Luckily I have God on my side and he doesn't complain while a whinge and moan about these things in my mind. I make it through most days with a smile plastered on my face and fear stricken awe in my eyes.

Then I signed my sons up for Boy Scouts. Its a great organization right? my sons will learn, have fun, form bonds and become more responsible right?

NO!

They will play with bee-bee guns, bows and arrows and hike around unknown places and I am terrified.

The thing is, I knew this going in. This is what they were most excited about and some of my husbands fondest memories. We only started a month ago and it has all been geared towards the big summer cub scout camp that starts tomorrow. At last weeks meeting my friend asked me for like the third time if I was sure I wouldn't be going with my boys to camp. I smiled and explained that siblings aren't allowed so I would be staying home with Moe and my niece who would be visiting. for awhile my husband thought he could take off work and go but then he couldn't and I thought it was okay. Except after being asked for the third time if I was going I finally began to wonder if I should be going.

Because, oh dear Lord, they were going to go spend 3 days at a camp 40 minutes away and

PLAY WITH BEE-BEE GUNS!!!!!!!!!!!

SHOOT BOWS AND ARROWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HIKE IN UNKNOWN PLACES!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy crap! What was I thinking? Do you have any idea how many ways and places they can get hurt there? Do I really know and/or trust the adults that are going? Can my very allergic Larry be trusted to know when he's having allergies and ask for help in a timely manner? Does he know how to use his meds? Can the ambulance make it out that rickety road? Will Larry & Curly follow the rules or follow the kids?

What have I gotten them into?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

I am writing this post on Tuesday and beginning my prayerful preparations as I step out of my helicopter comfort zone and push into free range. Lord help them and don't let me get an ulcer.