Friday, June 15, 2012

Beach discussions

I went to the beach today with some outstanding ladies. We sat and watched our kids create wet sandy mayhem and discussed the parenting phases that we are all in. We all have kids between the ages of 5-9.

The discussion was mostly on our older kids. They seem to have found their identities this year and several of us were having trouble coming to terms with it.

One mom concisely pointed out that she gets different pictures in her head of who her child should be and is not always comfortable with who he really is.

Another mom sagely said that she is trying not to nitpick and to just enjoy the place her kids are at right now. She said its hard when they're little and hard when they're older. Right now they are gaining independence, like hanging out with siblings and parents and are generally enjoyable.

I of course spent 20 minutes explaining exactly why I am not comfortable with who my sons are becoming.

Larry is mr. Cool and he knows it. He easily makes friends and always has someone to play with. The thing is he knows he's a cool kid and has adopted the cool kid code. He will never tell on someone, he will carry secrets to the grave. If you tell on him it will break his heart, you do not break the code. He gives presents to his friends (weird things like tape wallets) and he ignores other kids (not purposely being mean but more obliviously).

I don't want him to be the cool kid. Even nice cool kids have a lot of added pressures etc... I'm sad that he already feels these pressures. My husband thinks I'm crazy and constantly reminds me that our son is kind and knows how to do the right thing. Once you hear my saga of his room ridiculousness you will see my point of view (I'm saving this story for a future blog)

Curly has had me worried since he started school. I worry about his shyness and his tendency to let (coerce) others do things for him. His teachers have explained to me that my fears are wrong. Turns out he's the class clown. He takes every story to the next level and loves to use bodily functions to reel in the laughs. He got tired of going unnoticed and this is how he chose to find his voice.

I don't want a class clown. I love that he is funny but he doesn't know when to draw the line and I'm a little sad that he feels he needs attention like that. My husband thinks it's cute and is proud of our son for making the world smile. He points out that our son Problem solved how to get attention and found something he was good at.

On top of all this our beach discussions also got into enjoying the time we have with them. My good friend and I have matching sets of kids and we often feel the seem feelings of not spending enough time, feeling like there's too much to do, yelling too much etc...

She said she feels like there's too much to do everyday to enjoy the time they have together this summer. Time is passing too fast.

I'm having a problem, and yes I know it sounds ridiculous, of my kids liking each other too much. They cannot focus on a single thing because they are too busy giggling, playing and otherwise distracting each other. They have built in playmates 24 hours a day and are taking full advantage of it.

I should be so proud of their kindness, love for each other, creativity blah blah blah but instead I find myself infuriated that they can't get one single 5 minute chore done before the play begins each day. I feel an insane need to steal their joy and force the real world down their throats.

Im trying to find a happy medium and this picture along with my friends kind words reminded me that I am not alone and as my husband keeps saying our kids are awesome.

How do you do it? Do you struggle even when things are going well?

If you have 8 year olds then I have good news. My friend with the 9 year old said everything changed in 3rd grade. she's pretty awesome so you can take her word for it, I know I'm now counting on it.

No comments:

Post a Comment