Sunday, December 25, 2011

Taking back Christmas

Just a few short days ago, 3 to be exact, I uttered unthinkable words.

I was at a Christmas get together where I was the mom with the oldest kids. So of course I took my duties seriously and shared my "expertise" with anyone who would listen. At one point I believe I said, "I think each year gets better." I went on to share how cool each new stage my children have reached has been.

I was riding a euphoric project high because I had spent the day remodeling a bedroom. I'm pretty sure that's the only explanation.

That day my 3 sons happily and wholeheartedly helped me to paint and tile and move furniture etc... We worked well together and got a lot accomplished. I marveled that my 7 yr old could safely use a screwdriver and hammer (with supervision) and sat in awe as I watched my other 7 yr old problem solve one thing after the other. My 5 yr old kept us all entertained.

I fooled myself into thinking we were going to have lots more of these moments. Key word here is fool. Then I shared with everyone else how magical my kids and their different stages are.

I forgot to share the dark side. I forgot to tell them about the 3 days before and the every bloody day since where there has been sickness and/or whining and crying and fighting and sneakiness and oh sweet mother the back talk!!!!!!!!!

My sons have turned into Christmas time monsters and I have passed my breaking point. I begged, I pleaded, I yelled and I cried, all to no avail.

And so I threatened to take back Christmas. Because that's the sort of whack ado that I am I guess. I thought I was a little disheveled when I wanted to punish my son for not believing in Santa. We got past that and things are much better now, thanks for asking.

But now, this? It's just too much, I need psychiatric help. Sure, there are glimmers of hope. Tonite my sons were practically angelic at the Christmas eve service and could repeat the message to me after. But before church they were monsters and I was ready to stomp out of the house. I debated dropping everyone off at church and going for some alone time instead of celebrating the birth of Jesus with my church family but I didn't do it because it would have made my husband mad. After church I celebrated their grand behavior and tried to refocus.


There was no way they were going ticket that happen. At grandmas house one kid cried through dinner, another one talked about eating but refused to eat. They all tore through presents and left trash everywhere and forgot to say thank you. And we ended the evening with me taking away looking at Christmas lights (no surfing Santa for me, I am very sad that I ended up punishing myself on accident) and threatening to take back Christmas.

Fast forward and my kids went to bed and I got out the Santa presents and filled the stockings. Except I seriously sat on mY bed pondering taking things back. I somehow felt that they hadnt earned their presents. I was no longer in a happy place and I think I just wanted to make them feel as bad as I felt. It's a good thing this happened when they were sleeping. I made it through my manic moment and finished up with the Christmas eve chores.

But here's the thing, there's no telling what I'll do Christmas morning. One whine, an ounce of back talk, a mere second of ignoring me or God forbid trash on the floor or someone skipping a thank you and I'm packing it in. I've decided that I won't take back Christmas but I might take away mommy for awhile.

So please say a prayer and ask the lord to guard my sons hearts and
Mouths. If that doesn't work pray for my sanity and their safety because something has got to give.

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