Thursday, September 8, 2011


Don't you love my scandalous title?

Or do you not think it is scandalous?

That might be one of the many differences between you and me. For me it's a scandal to be naked in public waters, for you it's a fun Friday night. Well, to each their own.

Are you ready for it to get a bit more scandalous? I am writing to tell you about my children skinnydipping.

I know, I know. The shock! The dismay. Or I just hyped up a very entertaining moment in my day yesterday.

Yesterday was the crazy day that made me look off my rocker. It began with too little sleep (as most days do), then I lost my twin sons homework and had to write them an excuse note. This was not a proud parenting moment, but I will never forget how mortified I was and hopefully will not let it happen again.(who am I kidding? It will happen again)

Then it was off to work where I realized I had forgotten my cell phone, forgotten to get a babysitter for the evening, forgotten to tell my ride to the party that I didn't need a ride because I forgot I had to work in the evening for a bit and probably 16 other forgotten things popped up making my day a little cringe worthy.

Work finished at noon and I grabbed the kids, got the forgotten phone and gave my sister a ride as speedily as I could so that we could haul our way to the next town over (this takes 20 minutes) to meet my dear husband for the worlds latest lunch.

It was one of those moments where you wonder if the quality lunchtime of watching one person eat while the four others shout at the one about how their days have been is really worht the scramble, scream and scrounge approach it takes to get there.

But whatever, we did it.

After that it was time to check on the in-laws dear dogs because they can only go a few hours without needing to pee. It's annoying but understandable, they weigh like 6 pounds yet seem to be able to pee like 12 pounds worth of water every time they go outside. We really didn't have time for this activity but whatever so I summoned my courage and using my best adult voice explained that we were letting the dogs pee and then it was straight back to the car.

Apparently my best adult voice doesn't come across so well because all 3 of my boys heard whine til she lets us in the swimming pool. Since I was already 10 steps behind and way past exhausted, I gave in, but with some rules.

1. No clothes, swim or otherwise (I was attempting to save time, changin clothes can take an hour)

2. I am not going swimming (my thought being, "it's too hot to swim" I realize this is counterintuitive but it's what I was thinking)

3. 5 minutes of swim time then we leave ( cause that's realistic right?)

I went and huddled in the five inches of shade sniffing at the bizarre stink eminating from the deck and peered at my children as they stripped like wild boys and hulred themselves into the water.

I don't know if it's because I was in the dark corner or what but my sons acted like there was no adult around and the results will entertain me the rest of my life.

Their conversation went something like this:

Youngest: It feels so good to be nude in the water.

Oldest: Did you try swimming nude, that feels even better!

Youngest: I just love naked time in the water.

Oldest: Wait. Wait. I have an idea. What if we try nude cannonballs?
Yep! Even better than naked swimming.

at this point middle child finally comes out of the bathroom to join them.

Youngest: Hurry! Join the naked party. You don't even have to cover your privates!

Oldest: We can only be naked for five minutes hurry! You have to try this.

Youngest: Doesn't it feel amazing?

Middle: Oh yeah, this is good. My penis feels great.

and so on, and so forth. You get the idea.

I realize it's awkward for you to read this, it's awkward for me to write it and it was awkward to listen to. I almost busted up with my stifled laughs but I didn't want to break the spell that had come over them with one of my loud guffaws.

I eventually made them get out and we hurried on our very hurried way to the 15 other things that needed to happen.

But seriously, my kids skinnydipping for five minutes at grandparents pool in the middle of the day was filled with sights and sounds I will not soon forget.

I don't know if this means I'm a terrible mom and don't give my kids enough freedom to feel this way more often. Maybe kids need more reckless abondon in their lives. Or at least more nude time.

Or maybe it means I'm awesome and they've learned to savor the moment and get all those bathroom words etc... out when they have the chance. They're keeping things appropriate.

Or maybe it was just a moment and I don't need to read into it.

How about you? Do your kids run around naked? Have you heard a similiar conversation?

1 comment:

  1. I love this :). This moment may not have been possible if you had girls to. :). We have had to end all naked time at our house and seriously stress keeping your privates private!!!!