Saturday, April 2, 2011

Good things in really bad packages

I've been thinking and praying a lot about where God is in the bad stuff.that happens. The thing is, a lot of bad stuff happens. The other thing is, I believe in a loving God who takes care of us and forgives us and is there for us in every situation..

I have a lot of bad stuff in my life right now, sometimes it feels like more than I can bear. I don't understand why God's plan for me involves friends that are hurting, truly horrible childrens behavior, medical scares, unemployment for my husband and a messy and hurtful divorce for my parents. That being said, I am learning that in each of these bad packages there is something good.

When my friends hurt, it makes me stronger. God gives me strength to be a shoulder to lean on. It makes me appreciate my family more and the many blessings I have in my life. Others suffering grants me a lot of perspective and makes me strive to be better and be better.

When my childrens behavior has me wanting to send them to an orphanage, first I turn into a scary monster, then, when I have calmed down, I become a better parent. I search for answers, I seek out prayer partners, I apologize to my kids and I try to learn how we can move past this and above this behavior as a family.

When my husbands company closed down this week after promising that they wouldn't do that, I didn't stress. Why? Because God put it on our hearts awhile ago to start saving and being cautious. We just had the blessing of being able to refinance our house. Because Gods plan in this tough time could be something amazing like a better job with better benefits. Where normally we would be so strapped for cash, money has come in that allows a few months to figure out what is next for our family in terms of jobs. And I get to spend extra time with my husband :) In the midst of this devastation I feel prepared to weather the storm and almost excited about what could come next.

As for my parents, it's a disaster. They were married for 32 years and my mom has a terminal form of arterial stenosis. I feel like my dad is making bad choices. I have told him that, but I have also decided, that he's my dad and I love him anyways. Love the sinner not the sin. God has taught me a lot about grace and forgiveness throughout this ordeal. As for my mom, she is in a bad place right now and it's very hard to talk to her. She yells at me a lot and hangs up on me and hurts my feelings. There is a lot of anger about the situation. God is teaching me how to remain calm in these situations and how to let it go rather than internalize. The grace he's given me has made it so that I can be there for her despite how hard it is to be around someone like that. I should also note that my parents read this blog. So, mom and dad, I love you both and I think and hope you both know that your situation adds stress to our families lives. Don't let this stop you from calling me etc...just pray that God can be with us all as we work through this.

Finally, the medical scares. We have had rashes, and sleeplessness, and severe stomach pain, behavioral problems and now worms. We have had numerous tests and opinions. It really gets me down when we find more symptoms and less answers. But this grossness the past few days has been enlightening. As hard as it is for me to acknowledge that my ignorance caused my kids discomfort for possibly as long as 3 months, I also can look back and see that this is when a lot of other symptoms started that could be explained now. If I had to go through this grossness for answers than I happily accept it and I am almost excited to be dealing with it.

That's my take on things. I have to see the glass as half full, because for me and my personality, the only other option is completely empty. I have really bad days and then I have days like these past couple where I see the silver lining. I know this doesn't help those of you who are suffering. It's hard to hear that your pain might be helping someone else grow and learn and appreciate. But I am praying for you and that God will show you the good stuff in whatever bad package you've been stuck with.


  1. Thanks for sharing and your openness. The good thing about bravely sharing ones struggles, is that, others can pray for you in more direct ways. Sometimes I have forgotten this in my own life. You go through stressful times and feel like you have to carry the whole weight of it all....Of course, that is not what God wants for us right!? Love you! Nancy

  2. Nancy those words mean so much! I have been feeling like I just wrote a post complaining and I do not want to be a complainer. I don't want my struggles to be a burden to to others.

    But yes, sometimes God calls us to share our struggles. I needed to hear that today!