Tonight we received an offer of free babysitting and a free movie. We jumped at the chance, dumped the kids and drove off to what we thought was a kung fu movie. My husband loves kung fu movies, even bad ones. I love my husband.
Turns out it had zero kung fu and zero redeeming qualities. It was a mash up of serious artsy fighting in black and white with only the color red for emphasis and color scenes with the Chinese version of Larry, curly and Moe. It skipped through genres from Aesop's fables to kill bill, complete with the gratuitous blood spouts. Then came the abrupt switch into Chinese brothel rap video, an almost welcome escape from the rest of the movie. Just as we were finally getting used to the twists and turns they threw in a hand sketched scene straight of the sesame street playbook. To top it all off they added in a spoof on mortal kombat (I am assuming here, but it was definitely some fighting video game) between a butcher and a flute player. Sorry to ruin the movie for you, but a 500 pound eunuch with eyebrows that reached down to his belly button fell into an outhouse cesspool and was stabbed to death because it was too stinky to try and pull him out. Like I said, high quality movie right?
So, yeah. I probably shouldn't have said yes to this movie, even with all the great free perks that came with it. I did get to spend time with my amazing husband and I did go out, which is a rarity for me, so I suppose that counts for something.
Now I have to scrub my eyes and try to wash away the memories of what I just saw. Don't worry about me too much, I plan to cleanse my palette with the latest episode of "make it or break it" cause my tastes are refined like that :P
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