Wednesday, May 10, 2017

The joys of being a know it all

The other day I found myself discussing know-it-alls versus wise-asses, (bet you wish you came to our Sunday family dinners!) The discussion ended with my sister being the know-it-all who has an intensely real need to impart knowledge. My husband was labeled the wise-ass who imparts knowledge only if he knows it will screw with someone. I appeared to be a name caller in this situation as I inadvertently gave this conversation legs and labelled them each as such.

But I did it with a smile on my face, so it's all okay.

Cut to a few days later, and I found myself sharing knowledge on a topic that I had no personal experience with. I was basically regurgitating Google. My audience was in awe and lauded my expertise. I did not correct them.

I think I'm the actual know-it-all.

This theory was cemented tonite when I attended a trivia night in my hometown. When I knew the answer, I found that I couldn't just give it, I needed to share every detail of my life that added up to me knowing that fact in that moment. There was real pride in my voice when I  confidently announced that vanilla comes from an orchid plant.

When I didn't know the trivia answer, I had to give a run down of everything that went wrong in my life, leading me to the place I was now at where I didn't have the answer needed. There was real shame and devastation.

Guys, I think I truly love the sound of my own voice. I cannot shut up. A vow of silence would do me in. No one asked me for all of this information.

And so I now know that I am a know-it-all. I have an intense desire, almost a need, to devour as much information as I can. You never know when its going to be useful that you read the instructions manual for a handheld 1976 blender from cover to cover. The backs of restaurant menus can be informational gold mines. Don't forget to read the fine print on those prescription medication commercials (because they're funny, the information is kind of useless.) Heck, I stay at the end of the movie and read the credits. Why?

Because I'm a know-it-all.

Don't believe me? Ask me about it. As long as you have a couple free hours we can sit down and I'll prove it to you.

Now that I know, l'll see what I can do about it. It may not be the world's most desirable trait that I've acquired. I'll see what I can do to mitigate my responses, but in the meantime, you've been warned.

I have a lot of knowledge that needs to be shared with the world. And it mostly came from the backs of restaurant menus.

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