Thursday, March 30, 2017

Choosing laughter

I was reminded  by a couple of good friends today that there is a lot of laughter to be found when our world is spiralling.

This was yesterday's spiral.

It all began at 12:15pm. I'm sure it actually started the moment I got up, I am a hot mess, but this time sticks in my mind because it's when I looked at the clock and realized I screwed up.

Nana had to be at the doctor in 15 minutes. The doctor was 10 minutes away. I have a 3 year old. Times the 4, carry the 2 and all to the power of 5. Let's  a face it, the math wasn't looking good.

Cue screaming down the stairs at the toddler to put their shoes on and hoping Nana heard that too because you don't have time to run downstairs and tell them in person. Gather the 12 year old that makes poor choices and can't be home alone, very against his will, and explain that he'll be doing schoolwork in the car today. Grab your purse as they all begin to file out the door and then notice to white fur balls barking and jumping at the door.

That's right, you're dog sitting for a few hours. Oops, forgot about that didn't you?

Scoop them up and throw them in the truck (gently of course) and squeal your tires as you race down the driveway.

You're on the road taking deep breaths and attempting to chill the heck out. She'll only be a few minutes late. Then she drops the bomb. "Oh, my appointment is at 1:30."

Say what now?!?!??!

Quick mental math tells you that by the time you go home, let the dogs pee, handle the toddler tantrum that you didn't go where you said you were going, and finally remove surly tweenager from the vehicle it will be time to load them all right back up.

And so you persevere.

But not without unleashing a slew of things that you can't take back and will regret.

Why is the time different? Why can't people communicate? Why doesn't anyone want to try and help you? Why can't people help themselves.

Of course your choice words lead to their choice words and you find out that you challenged them by asking the time for the appointment, you told them the electronic calendar malfunction was fixed and you always yell at them for bothering the kids during school time so that's why they can't come and talk to you.

That was a lot of phenomenal cosmic yelling in an itty bitty truck cab space. My super hero name today should be counterproductive woman.

Oh well, apologies all around. Nana arrives at the doctor. Now it's time to sit and waste be wise the math doesn't add up. Drive home + unload + gas prices + reload + mommy sanity = might as well sit and wait.

Not everyone agrees. The dogs whimper or bark at everyone that walks by the truck. The tweenager can't read the Iliad with all the dog noise. Toddler needs everything in her life to be different.

McDonalds it is. So much for the healthy eating, less spending goal. Plain cheeseburgers and cold sodas fix this moment, albeit temporarily. There goes the gas cost savings, literally right out the drive through window.

Drive around long enough to lull the dogs into complacency and you can park again. Tweenager finishes the Iliad. Toddler needs to stop asking questions or you cannot be friends anymore. You let her use Snapchat in an effort at peace and quiet. The dogs don't like Snapchat. They're back to whimpering and barking intermittently, it's very unsettling.

The doctor appointment goes long. It's now been 2.5 hours since you last saw the outside of your vehicle. There may have been some poor planning and poor choices made. Just as you're beginning to think this McDonalds scented cab is your new forever home, Nana appears.

You check in to see how the appointment went. She tries to give you an appointment card for the next time. You unleash the fury of a thousand angry squirrels as you explain that you want communication and your online calendar not an appointment card. You sound and look like a surly toddler stomping her feet. Everyone quietly (and maybe a little scaredly) sits still for the final five minutes of the ride home.

The dogs, children and Nana scatter like delinquents when the cops show up and you stand and wonder how life got this way. Oh well, back to life right?

You look down at your phone and see the time, 3:30, and run in yelling at the toddler to get her shoes on, it's time for swim practice.

Here we go again.

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