I've been through a lot of quarantines in the past year. With a family of 7, kids in public school and a large family/friend community it is inevitable. Some for me and some where we had to isolate family members in our household. I've personally been Covid positive twice. I've dealt with a moderate to severe case of covid in a loved one. Basically... I've had a lot of time to think about this. I should preface: I've also failed to provide the help I could when others were quarantining.
I've decided it's time to talk about quarantining.
I feel like no one is talking about it.
You don't see a lot of social media posts with "quarantined this week, hit me up with your Netflix suggestions" or "quarantined for 10 days, how many puzzles can I complete?" I certainly haven't seen any posts saying, "whole family is covid positive, going to be a long 10 days."
Why don't we tell people? Is my family really the only one that gets quarantined? My guess is that there's a variety of reasons. People are judgy. Some think it's your fault if you were exposed or they want to get into a heavy vaccine conversation. Some people are natural worriers and begin stressing about your health. It's not even just covid, it's hard to share when you're sick in general. Funny that we can share almost anything, from our gross hang nail, to the photo remains of our dinner, but not that we're under the weather.
Maybe you're all more private than me and you like that we don't share. Maybe my shariness makes you cringe. Oh well, it helps me process and I like to be transparent. Honesty is really important to me and not sharing feels like hiding, which doesn't feel honest. So... I'm going to try and share this stuff more. Hopefully it doesn't make me sound like a giant whinge all the time and comes across for what it is, me sharing my ups and my downs in life.
Alright, that's the end of the self help portion of this blog. Now, what I've really been thinking about, how can we help those who are quarantining?
There's a few things to note before I make my list. First, the help offered changes greatly depending on if they're quarantining because they are sick or because they had a close contact. Take that into account. One has more mental effects while the other has both mental and physical effects. Second, opinions need to be withheld, at least until their quarantine is done. There's nothing you can do now except be supportive. Individuals quarantined have different needs than families that are quarantined, take that into account too.
All this being said, some people won't tell you they're quarantined, won't want to share, and do want to tough it out alone. Some really are fine and won't need anything. Know your audience I guess? There's no perfect formula for when to push and when to back off, so trust your gut.
So now, with further ado, ways to help.
1. OFFER TO BRING SUPPLIES
No one wants to be a burden, and that's definitely how you feel when you're stuck at home and can't fend for yourself by getting your own groceries etc... So yes offer. But...don't give the standard, let me know if I can bring anything, offer. I find that for myself, and those I've offered to help, we don't tend to utilize this help. Be kindly forceful. Things like, Im going to the store today, what can I grab and drop off at your door? Make it seem like you're going anyway so it's really not out of your way. Leave things so there's no possible way they can feel guilty about accepting your help.
Remember kids often need things from school, or parents need things from work, so that they don't get behind while they're quarantined. The school will often get things ready and tell the parent to pick them up, not realizing that the parent is likely also quarantined. It can feel like an awkward ask, so the offer to help is awesome and thoughtful.
Prescriptions can be tricky, but are also super important. I feel really weird asking people to get meds for me, but also it can be needed, and its great when people offer because it's awkward to ask.
2. OFFER MEALS
Again, I'm going to say, be kindly forceful. It's not, let us know when we can bring a meal. It's, would you rather have us bring dinner wed, thurs or fri? Any food allergies? Favorite family dinners? If you're not hungry we'll bring something you can freeze for later. We all want to think that we've got this quarantine stuff handled, but this sort of thing can go such a long way to make you feel loved and cared for while isolated.
3. OFFER ACTIVITIES
This one varies a lot based on if they're sick or not.
Either way, ask what they're doing to fill their days.
Covid sick often means you only feel ok as long as you're laying down and not moving. Covid brain is a real issue so focusing can be hard. Things to listen to or watch are often the only way to fill your time. So check in. If they're netflixing their days away offer show suggestions or chat with them about what they watched. Offer to drop an audiobook by or get them one online and email them the download.
If their able to be functioning humans, they may be getting really bored. You can play online video games together, drop a book off for them to read, buy them a puzzle, get them crafting supplies. You want to help, so hopefully that means you know them at least a little. Think of what they're into and try to make it possible.
4. COMMUNICATE
This one is perhaps the most important and hardest to do. The daily text check ins are nice, but can be overwhelming. It's hard to share bad news via text too, so at least one phone call, or socially distanced face to face can be more important than you realize. It's also hard if people are only contacting you about covid. It's nice to still hear about your day or to have someone ask if there were any funny moments today or what was stressful. Anxiety and depression can run at all time highs when people are isolated and can be hard to share. If you know that someone struggles with these, be pushy with your check ins and make sure they have someone to talk to, a safe place to vent. It's also important for you to keep your anxiety and fears out of the conversations. I certainly get how scary it can be wondering if someone is going to be ok, but if you can't be calm and collected on your communications the quarantined people will feel like they can't talk to you. They already feel so much guilt and stress that they can't handle yours as well. It's hard, but if you can cry after you hang up or find someone else to share your fears and worries with, it will really help those quarantined people that are living in a state of anxiety and worry.
5. BE THERE
This one is tricky, because you often just can't. But, things can feel so unreal when you're quarantined. If someone is willing to come and talk through the screen door, fence, or across the yard, it can be great to help alleviate those feelings of isolation that come with, well...isolation. If you've recovered from Covid recently and are safe to be around people with active cases, even better. You can offer a hug, a walk, play a video game etc... and actually be with the quarantiner for a bit.
6. CELEBRATE
When is they're quarantine done? Don't just brush past it. Make them feel loved and missed. Let them know how great it is to have them back in the real world. A celebratory text, flowers, a balloon, a card, a for real, in person hug. These can all really help someone shed the negativity that comes with isolation and allow them to re-enter the real world as healthy as possible, mentally and physically. It's great to know that people care. It just is. We all want to be missed, at least a little.
My daughter says we should write a blog for how covid positives can help their community, so maybe that will be up next :) My family is currently on the middle of a quarantine where all 7 of us have tested positive, all with different symptoms, at different times. So obviously I've got some extra time to think about this all and respond to comments. Have covid or quarantine questions? Ask away!
